A Comic Digression


This satirical doggerel was originally posted in a discussion on Goodreads. I received a request to post it where it was easier to link to it, so here it is:


The Author’s Patter Song


(With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)


I am the very model of a modern indie authoress.

My editor is excellent, my formatting is not a mess.

I’ve hired top professionals for proofreading and cover art ,

And hope that that I will join the ranks of authors who discovered are.


I don’t engage with trolls or drive-by one-stars on the internet.

I’ve never said so far a thing on Goodreads that I might regret.

Real readers wrote my good reviews not sock puppets or family.

I hope this will promote me since I must not do it spammily.


I can’t afford for Foreword or for Kirkus to approve me

And if I were to push hard would-be readers would remove me

From their to-read lists, and so I keep my self-promotion minimal.

With marketing so subtle that it borders on subliminal.


I’ll hang on with obduracy and get discovered anyway.

To languish in obscurity would be a terrible cliché.

But …

I’m at the very bottom of the Amazon best seller list

Where almost every other model modern indie author is.